Be More Confident! 10 Habits to Drop Now!

by Marcy Heim on January 9, 2019

It’s a new year.

going into new year

Regardless of what happened last year or yesterday, you have a new day today.

Confident people trust in their ability to navigate.  No matter the obstacles, they believe they will make it to their destination. That conviction attracts others because it makes them feel more confident in themselves.

Real confidence takes effort to attain. It takes repeating and repeating actions that help you build the unwavering self-trust you desire. You can’t just buy new clothes and expect that to sustain you through the ups and downs of life.

You need to immediately give up these 10 habits if you want astonishing confidence. (Adapted from a list by Matthew Jones)

1. Tolerating your negative self-talk.

Your mindset! Being first off, AWARE, of what you are thinking and saying to yourself, then knowing it is holding you back and lowering your self-esteem. Replace it with positive messages.

2. Caring too much about what other people think.

Seeking approval from other people reinforces that you need external validation. Why is someone else’s opinion more valid than what you know to be true about yourself? This really reflects you have insufficient internal love. To build yourself up, stop trying to meet other people’s expectations, and start appreciating yourself.

3. Seeing shortcomings as something you need to “fix.”

Focusing on what you don’t do well builds their strength and your feelings of inadequacy. Reduce your time in areas that aren’t your strength. Put most of your effort into what you do well.

Quiet in the outdoors

4. Filling your life with screens and stimulation rather than quiet introspection.

Stop over-stimulating your brain by staring at screens all day. Peace and quiet builds a foundation for confidence.

5. Constantly reliving the past. Anxiously anticipating the future.

No matter how good or how bad things in the past were, they’ve already happened. The only way to create the future you want is to take action in the now. Bring your attention to the present moment and start building a better future.

6. Focusing too much on the details and not reflecting enough on the big picture.

Most of your day should be in today. Balance your perspective so you can be involved in your current work, know where it’s going, and see how far you’ve come.

7. Looking to external objects–people or things–to alleviate internal hurt.

You know your hurts. Pushing them down keeps them just below the surface to raise their ugly heads during new challenges. Address them. Close them out. Seek help from a coach or therapist. It’s not about being ‘right’. Make peace.

Don't sweat the small stuff8. Stressing over small problems that don’t really matter. Today’s drama.

Stop creating problems and building unnecessary stress. You always have the power to choose your reaction. Being dramatic drains you of valuable energy that you could be investing in your personal and professional growth. Stop looking to be offended.


9. Thinking about faults, regrets, and failures instead of practicing gratitude.

Most people aren’t exactly who they want to be. The people who are happy and confident are the ones who appreciate what they have right now, which allows them to continue growing and building a satisfying life.

10. Wasting time comparing yourself with others.

We compare our ‘insides’ to others ‘outsides.’  We see their polished external posts, website, mailing, and more and compare that with the hiccups and stumbles we are experiencing – all the internal issues they have too, but we don’t see. Stop envying other people and instead discover your own value.

You are amazing. You do good in the world. It’s a big pie out there with plenty of opportunity to go around.

Better version of you!

I have confidence in you. I know what you can do – for your mission, your work, your family and for you!  You are worthy. Each day is your opportunity to be a better version of YOU. Enjoy!

Invest in JOY®



Marcy Heim is a trusted authority in the development profession and helps organizations and educational institutions boost their major gift programs through artful, long-term relationship building that dramatically increases fundraising success while promoting increased staff job satisfaction. To receive a free chapter from Marcy’s book, Empower Your Board to Serve as Effective Development Ambassadors, click here.

Questions:  Contact KK Konicek at

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