Don’t Say No FOR Them
Don’t Say No FOR Them.
“I’m just not comfortable asking people I know for money.”
Bet you’ve heard this one! Maybe from a board member. A volunteer. Your CEO.
Maybe you’ve even said it yourself.
I get it. You value these relationships. You don’t want your friends to see your name pop up on their phone and think, Oh no. Here comes another ask. You don’t want them to feel pressured or for things to be awkward.
There are two important lessons today.
- Don’t say “No” for them.
- Be clear on your role as you reach out.
- Don’t say “No” for them.
Behind all of this is that age-old little voice in your head saying: What if they say no?
Or perhaps even worse: What if they don’t like me or feel the same about me because I asked?
So you don’t reach out because you believe you are honoring and protecting the relationship.
You just said no FOR them.
You decided they would be uncomfortable.
You decided they wouldn’t be interested.
You decided they wouldn’t want to give — or give THAT much.
You decided the timing wasn’t right.
You decided that asking would somehow diminish your relationship.
All without ever giving THEM the opportunity to decide…or even DISCUSS this.
An ask is an invitation — not an obligation.
This is one of the most important mindset shifts you can make around asking.
When you make an artful ask, you are not telling someone what they should do. You are not using your friendship to pry money out of their wallet. And you are certainly not saying, “If you really cared about me, you’d make this gift.” Yikes!
You are saying — and you’ll recognize Marcy’s 3-Sentence Ask:
You have been such a wonderful friend to this organization. You understand how important X is and the impact you will have. Would you consider a gift of $50,000 to support X?
And then you stop talking. THEY get to decide.
Yes. No. Not now. Not that much. Most often it’s “Let’s talk more about this.”
All of those are perfectly acceptable answers.
Your job is not to get the yes.
Your job is to create the opportunity for a joyful yes.
- Be clear on your role as you reach out.
So what about asking your friends?
Certainly, you don’t ask someone simply because they have money. You don’t ask only because they’re your friend. You don’t use your relationship solely as leverage to get a gift.
You ask BECAUSE you know them.
You know what they care about. You have listened to them talk about why this mission matters. You may have watched them volunteer, attend events, serve on the board, make gifts and cheer on the work!
You already have a relationship.
And because of that relationship, you may be exactly the right person to open the door to a conversation about doing something more for an organization they love.
In fact, most of the time your role isn’t to make the ask.
Often, you and the development professional have already discussed what you know about this person and their relationship with the organization. You may have helped create what I call a Love Letter — giving options based on conversations that have already taken place.
You’re not cornering your friend. You’re not putting your friendship on the line.
You’re opening a door.
But what if they ARE offended?
Well, yes. I guess they might be. But in almost 4 DECADES of inspiring generosity rarely have I seen this. And even should you feel something awkward….You can’t control another person’s response.
You CAN control how you show up.
You can listen. You can be respectful. You can base your ask on what you genuinely know about the giver. And you can make it clear that your relationship matters regardless of the answer.
Remember:
“Would you consider?” is a question. Not a demand.
That’s the beauty of an artful ask.
The giver has the power.
So the next time you hear, “I could never ask my friends for money,” look at it differently.
You’re not asking your friend to hand over money because you know them.
You’re inviting someone you know and care about to consider doing something that may bring them tremendous joy.
Don’t use the relationship to get the gift.
Use the relationship to understand the giver.
Then be part of making the invitation.
And please, when you have the opportunity to invite a friend to consider a gift to something you believe they care about:
Don’t say NO for them.
Decide they are worthy of experiencing the JOY OF GIVING!
Invest in Joy!™
