Archive for category: Major Gifts

YOU are on my mind right now.

Yes—you!

Because we’re stepping into conference season. Packing your suitcase. Scanning the agenda. Wondering who you’ll run into.  You can feel it, can’t you?  That fun anticipation!

Because we get to be TOGETHER again!

In the same space and place.  Not on Zoom. Not on Teams. But in sessions and exhibit halls… at receptions… and in those in-between moments where the real conversations happen.  Ahhhh… together again.

Before you walk into that first room, I want you to decide…

What are you going to talk about?  YOU HAVE OPTIONS

You can default to the familiar loop:

• What’s not working
• Why it’s not your fault
• Why it probably won’t get better

 

It’s human. It’s easy. And honestly—it can feel good in the moment.  But here’s what’s actually happening when you stay there. Psychologist Martin Seligman called it learned helplessness—when you begin to believe your actions don’t really matter.  And when THAT belief creeps in….You stop trying. You lower your expectations and you quietly disconnect from what IS possible!!!!  That’s not where you want to live.

Now—pause—because this matters:

A conference is a GREAT place to talk about what’s hard. You should absolutely share the donor challenges, the people situations, your database, staff turmoil, and those personal moments that feel heavy. Because chances are, someone sitting across from you has been there… and found a way through. You can get help and support.

So yes—bring the real. But don’t stop there!

HOW?

Researcher Bill Durkin defines a positive conversation in a way that completely shifts how you show up:

 

“Anytime you help someone experience one or more of these ten emotions—
Joy, Gratitude, Serenity, Interest, Hope, Pride, Amusement, Inspiration, Awe, or Love— you are having a positive conversation.  This matters because even a few seconds of those emotions can change how someone feels in their body.”

Those moments build on each other and reduce anxiety, create connection and help people take action—even when things feel uncertain.

So imagine this: You’re chatting with someone after a session. Someone shares something hard, an unexpected no to a proposal, staff issues, family challenges….

You listen—really listen.  You validate—because it’s real.

And then… You help them find hope. Or interest in a new idea.
Or a moment of pride in something they’ve already done. Maybe even a bit of amusement—because sometimes a little laughter cracks things open.

That’s a positive conversation. That’s you helping someone move forward.

And here’s the beautiful part:  When you lead conversations this way, you don’t just change how others feel…

You stay out of stuck.  You stay connected to possibility.  You stay in motion.

So as you step into any opportunity you have to be IN PERSON these next few weeks—into sessions, hallways, receptions, and yes, those big lobby chairs—give yourself this simple intention:

Bring what’s hard—but don’t camp there.  Help yourself and others experience something that lifts, connects, and moves forward.

Because YOU are shaping every conversation you enter and every conversation is a chance to create energy, connection… and just maybe…

MORE JOY!!!!!

And that, my friend… is how everything starts to change for good.

 

Invest in Joy!™

 

Have you ever watched a moment in a meeting where something small…
changed everything?

 

A conversation is moving. People are engaged. Ideas are being shared. In fact in this case….there was already a motion for approval on the floor.

 

And then someone says, “I think we should move into a closed session…” and shares they simply want to be sure they are fulfilling their fiduciary responsibility.

 

And just like that… the room (or zoom) shifts.

 

Not because anything inappropriate was happening. But because the tone of that statement doesn’t sound like a question.

 

It sounds like a correction.

 

Let me say something important here. You may be reading this and thinking,

“That’s not me. I would never do that.”  Good!

 

But let me ask you this— Is someone on your board doing this to you?

 

Have you felt the shift when a comment suddenly makes everyone else feel less certain? When something framed as responsibility lands more like quiet correction?

When the room moves from open conversation… to careful compliance?

 

Here’s what I’ve come to understand:

 

Sometimes what starts as uncertainty doesn’t come out as a question.

It comes out as authority.

 

And when it does, it can unintentionally (or intentionally actually) send a message:

“I understand something you don’t.”
“We may not be doing this right.”
“We should be more careful.”

 

Let’s name the impact.

When uncertainty is presented as authority, thoughtful people begin to second-guess themselves.

 

Voices soften. Energy tightens. Participation changes.

 

And the Executive Director—the very person entrusted to lead— can quickly move from partner… to observer…to being evaluated in real time.

 

And the conversation—no matter how well-intentioned—moves from with to about.

 

A colleague said it this way to me, “When you’re not invited to the dinner… you’re the meal.”

 

Ouch.

 

It’s a clever line. Because sadly, it also reveals something deeper—how quickly closed conversations can feel less like leadership… and more like something happening to people instead of with them.

 

That’s not the culture most of us are trying to build.

And here’s where I’m going to be direct.

This in NOT stronger governance.  That’s influence without ownership.

 

Closed sessions absolutely have their place.  Under Robert’s Rules of Order, they require a motion, a reason, and a vote. They are designed for specific situations—sensitive personnel matters, knotty legal issues, and sensitive negotiations.

 

They are a tool.

 

But when they are introduced casually—or come out-of-the-blue from one member – or feel out-of-the-culture and history of the organization, or as a signal of “doing our job”—they can become something else entirely.

 

A shield.
A reset of power.
A way to change the dynamic of the room without ever naming it.

 

When we equate closed sessions with “doing our fiduciary duty,” we unintentionally (or intentionally) send a message—

that openness might be careless…
that trust might be naïve…
that transparency might be risky.

 

And that’s simply not true.

And there’s something even deeper at stake here—especially in nonprofit organizations that are BUILT on relationships and generosity.

 

Strong board members understand that leadership is not just about oversight.  It’s about stewardship of people.

 

Every interaction either strengthens a relationship… or strains it.

 

And when tone, implication, or positioning causes a leader to pull back—to hesitate, to second-guess, to shrink— we have to be honest about what’s happening.

 

That’s not accountability.

That’s a form of shame response in the room.

Not always intended. But very real in its impact.

 

The way we treat each other internally is the way we show up externally.

 

If trust is fragile in the boardroom, it will be fragile with our donors.

If leaders feel guarded inside the organization, that energy carries into every conversation we ask them to have.

 

We cannot build a culture of generosity while eroding trust in the room.

We cannot ask leaders to be bold, relational, and joyful out in the world…
while creating moments inside our own boardrooms that cause them to shrink.

 

I have seen extraordinary leaders—smart, committed, mission-driven—quietly undermined in moments exactly like this.

 

Not through overt conflict.
But through subtle reminders of hierarchy.

A tone that says, “We are the Board.”

As if leadership is something to be controlled… rather than partnered with.

 

But board service isn’t about proving you’re the smartest person in the room.

It’s not about positioning. And it’s certainly not about using structure to create advantage.

 

It’s about stewardship.
It’s about partnership.
It’s about advancing a mission that requires all of us at our best.

 

And that requires something deeper than authority.

It requires the confidence to say: “Can I ask a question?”  “I’m not sure I understand.”
“Help me think this through.”  That’s not weakness. That’s respectful leadership.

 

So before calling for a closed session, ask:

Is this truly necessary?  Or am I trying to create certainty where I feel unsure?

Because one builds trust. The other builds distance. Distance that may never be repaired.

 

Closed sessions should be rare, intentional, and clearly justified— not a reflex, not a habit, and not a shield.

And more than that—

 

Closed sessions should never replace the courage to stay in the room, ask the real question, and lead together.

 

Because the strongest boards don’t lead through pressure or positioning.

 

They lead through trust.
Through partnership.
Through the kind of leadership that doesn’t need to close the door to prove its value.

 

It doesn’t mean leadership is not challenged, or questioned, or provided feedback….but this happens face to face – and as colleagues and partners.

 

If we want our donors to trust us, our teams to follow us, and our mission to grow…

then we have to model the very thing we’re asking for.

 

And trust? It doesn’t happen behind closed doors.

 

May you all experience the JOY of real partnerships with your Boards and your givers.

 

Invest in Joy!™

 

Just done sharing a webinar presentation for Crescendo Planned Giving with my friend and former client, Niki Chopra Richardson, Executive Director of TOArts.

Our goal – sharing a message about asking for both! Leading with Legacy: Blended Asks — about helping donors combine immediate impact with lasting legacy. By the time you read this, the session will be over — but you can get a copy of my slide deck here!

You see, friends, the heart of transformational giving is mindset, clarity, relationships, and conversations that help people see the difference they can make — now and in the future.

Here are a few of the ideas we explored.

1. It’s All in Your Head

Your success is 90% due to your thinking – your mindset!

If you believe donors are tired of being asked, you’ll hesitate.
If you believe planned giving is complicated, you’ll avoid it.
If you believe people don’t want to talk about legacy, the conversation never happens.

Likewise, if you believe YOU aren’t able to lead these conversations or be respected, you need to take a good look in the mirror and remember YOUR why for getting into this honorable and noble work. I’ll bet there is a passion you hold for doing something with YOUR life that makes a difference in someone else’s life. Stay the course.

When you believe donors want to make a difference — and want your help doing it — everything changes.

 

 

One of my favorite reframing exercises is simple. When a negative thought shows up, try asking:

“How can I reframe this into something that moves the relationship forward?”

And, when you change the way you look at things —- the things you look at CHANGE!

 

 

2. Vibrant Options Inspire Giving – A confused donor rarely gives.

People give when they can clearly see what their gift will accomplish and how it fits their values.

Instead of presenting vague needs, create Vibrant Options for Giving.

• Build the room
• Fund the scholarship
• Launch the program
• Endow the position

These need to be clearly described and at a range of price points. Help donors understand not just what the money supports, but how their gift creates positive change, lifts up someone, provides a second chance.

And remember — different donors connect with different options.

Some prefer current impact.
Some prefer legacy.
Many love both.

When you present clear choices across giving types and levels, donors can find the opportunity that feels right for them.  That’s when generosity becomes joyful.

 

3. Creating Authentic Relationships

The words we use shape how we feel about ourselves, our work, our donors — and impacts how our donors experience it.

That’s why in my Cycle of Successful Relationships I talk about:

• Creating Joyful Givers instead of cultivation
• Artful Asking instead of solicitation
• Grateful Receiving instead of stewardship

 

Language matters because it reflects what we believe.

When our goal is sincerely helping donors use their resources to do good in the world, fundraising becomes a partnership — not a transaction.

The real conversations sound like this:

• How do you want to be remembered?
• What difference would you love to make?
• What would it mean to leave your mark?
• Let us help you make the change you want to make?

Together, you and your donor co-create a journey that may include both current gifts and future gifts — a blend that reflects what matters most to them.

 

4. Asking for Anything Artfully

An authentic donor journey always includes invitations.

That’s where the Three-Sentence Ask becomes an anchor:

You have…
You have cared deeply about education all your life.

You understand…
You understand how important scholarships are for students who otherwise couldn’t attend.

Would you consider…
Would you consider supporting both a current scholarship and a legacy gift so students can benefit for generations?

 

This approach doesn’t push.  It guides.

You can use it to secure a yes to a visit, a yes to continuing the conversation, a yes to exploring options, and eventually a yes to a gift donors feel truly excited about.

 

5. Love Letters (click here for sample)

A love letter is a relational proposal. My co-presenter, Niki Chopra Richardson, coined the phrase and I LOVE IT!  Transformational giving doesn’t happen on a timeline.  It happens through trust built over time. As you spend time with your donors, share vibrant options for giving and listen, you can draft a love letter that captures their passion, and presents 2-3 options – Legacy and Current – to help focus in as you continue the conversation.

Take baby steps by providing whatever information, experiences, and connections help them fully embrace what and how they want to give. Because when donors understand the difference they can make — both now and someday — generosity becomes deeply meaningful.

And remember, it’s always the donor’s timeline – not yours, your campaigns, your ED’s or your Board’s.

 

Stay the Course

You MUST stay centered on relationships and possibility.  Baby steps will energize you and create results. Taking the wrong step shines a light on the right one. How you walk through your days and pour into others will set loose an incredible positive chain reaction! Wohoo!

Know that I will always believe in the magic you can create.

 

Invest in Joy!™

 

Let me hear you…”My Time!  My Turn!  My World!”

If something in you is stirring — a quiet nudge that says there’s more ease, more confidence, more joy available — I want you to trust that feeling.

This isn’t about starting over or fixing yourself. It’s about choosing what you want to carry forward — and what you’re ready to release.  Now, as we charge into 2026 and, really, any time you want a reboot!

Right now I am on fire!  I’m booking flights and hotel rooms in preparation for 4 national and international conference where I will be presenting IN PERSON!!!  This makes me CRAZY HAPPY thinking about gathering with you leaders and fundraisers across the country…and the world!

Hug! Jump! Sing! Inspire! Teach!

One thing is crystal clear: relationships are still the fuel. When you feel connected, supported, and confident, everything flows more easily — including generosity, trust, and momentum.

So instead of asking “What should I change this year?”  Try asking “What do I want more of?”

Here are a few places you might begin.

 

What do you choose to continue – intentionally, considering these to be important each and every day!

1. Keep investing in relationships that feel mutual and meaningful — with donors, board members, colleagues, friends, and family. Show up, be in person as much as possible, connect however you can.

 

2. Keep believing that people want to help and that clear, caring conversations are a gift, not a burden. It’s more and more important to CHOOSE to believe in the good in the world.  As Maya Angelou says, “Hope and fear cannot occupy the same space as the same time. Invite ONE to stay!”

 

What you might lean into more – each and every day!

1. More clarity about what matters most to you. How do you know?  When do you feel most whole, at peace, productive, joyful — what are you doing when you feel this way? Notice it.

 

2. More preparation so you feel confident walking into conversations, presentations whatever. Yes, we are a talented bunch and can wing-it pretty well – but just adding a bit of time to reconsider the slide deck, run through it, or having another conversation to gain better understanding before a big call… These aren’t BIG changes – 15 to 30 minutes. It can take you from “very good” to GREAT!

3. More presence — fewer rushed exchanges, more real connection. When you stop, turn to people, face then, look at them. Intentionally. You don’t keep doing something else – oh gasp! But that is so efficient! You stop to listen to answers.

 

4. More YOU-focused language that invites partnership instead of pressure. May my blogs be an example.

 

What you might gently stop

 

1. You might be ready to stop hustling to prove your worth. There really is not a prize for extra hours and taking the red eye ALL the time.

 

2. Stop apologizing for asking. Give yourself and Give with JOY! LIVE THE JOY OF GIVING! If you don’t feel it, set up a call with me.

 

3. Stop carrying responsibilities that were never yours to hold alone. Somehow you feel noble or sacrificing – grab that time back to shine in what makes you amazing.

 

Here’s what I know to be true: when you lead with confidence and clarity, joy follows. And when joy is present, generosity — in all its forms — grows naturally.

This is your time.
Your turn.
Your world.

You don’t need permission.

You just need to choose.

Invest in Joy!™

 

Thankful for YOU – Before and Beyond the Box

“Everyone should have a fair chance to discover who they are and what they can become.”

Seems reasonable.

Greetings from the UK! After a full and fabulous week teaching in Nottingham, I’m in London now and still buzzing with gratitude. Craig Berens, in the photo, CEO of YMCA Robin Hood, invited me to spend time with his entire team — front-line staff, development folks, leadership, and even Boards across England and Wales. His vision? To explore my mindset and methods for inspiring generosity… and to build confidence in the joy of giving when we clearly show people the impact their gift can make for causes that align with their values and interests.

And oh my, did they step into that joy!

These are remarkable humans doing difficult, meaningful work — and now, they’re feeling more comfortable, more confident, and more grounded in offering people the chance to support that work.

One big message I shared was this:
Your giving opportunities must be vibrant, grounded in your strategic plan, rooted in your operation budget, and boldly painting tomorrow’s vision.

Seems reasonable, right?

We created a picture of all the touches that took “Jack” (not his name) from a struggling orphan through medical school.

But then came a story that cracked something open in me.

 

The Box

One of the participants told me about their annual event: The Big Newark Sleep Out.

People register.
They commit to sleeping outside in a cardboard box for one night.
Others sponsor them.
Money is raised.

You want people to “get it.” Really get it.
Yes, it’s cold. Yes, it’s uncomfortable. Yes, after one night you get to go home, take a shower, and crawl into your warm bed.
It makes a point — and a powerful one:

“Make a choice to sleep rough and support those who don’t have the choice.”

But here’s the thing:
“Fine, give them a place to sleep” doesn’t actually solve what put them in the box.
And “Just send them to school” is equally disconnected — an oversimplification that misses the complex struggles people face to move their lives forward even with basics met.

If we want people to truly understand — and therefore support — the work, we need to tell the whole story.

Before the Box.

In the Box.
Beyond the Box.

Real impact comes from a narrative that honors all the dimensions:

• BEFORE the box:
  Mental health support, crisis intervention, and the safety nets that keep people from sliding into homelessness in the first place.
• IN the box:
  Emergency shelter, dignity, warmth, safety, and someone who sees you and says, “You matter. You belong.”
• BEYOND the box:
  Housing. Skills. Community. Opportunities. The tools and support to flourish, not just survive.

That’s where generosity does its most transformational work — when we help people imagine impact across the full journey, not just one moment of it.

Thankful for YOU

So as I write from across the ocean, I’m reflecting on you — donors, doers, board members, fundraisers, dreamers — who help create stories of hope before, during, and after the box.

You remind me every day that generosity is not about the transaction.
It’s about restoring possibility.
It’s about lighting the way. It’s about starting a movement!
It’s about believing that every person should have a fair chance to discover who they are — and who they can become.

Seems reasonable.
Actually… it seems essential.

Thankful for YOU.
Spark JOY.
Shine ON.

Invest in Joy!™