Major Gifts and a Good Night’s Sleep

“Whatever you do today, you’ve got to sleep with tonight.”
—Aaron Tippin in the song, “You’ve Got to Stand for Something”

Let me be clear on this. The ends DON’T justify the means. And if you are asked to do anything that “feels funny” — don’t do it. My colleagues at Penn State continue to try to make sense out of the cover-up of an assistant football coach’s alleged long-time inappropriate contact with young boys on the campus. This issue is about looking the other way to protect the program, the organization or the institution. Doing this enables some coaches, priests, executive directors, deans, major gift officers, really anyone, to feel they are above the law.

Often these leaders can be the biggest, most respected names in their small communities. Inappropriate behavior, money mismanagement or anything that stretches what is right — is wrong. Every time a story hits the press about the long-time loved employee who has systematically been taking money, the affair that’s been going on, or the improper use of gift funds by the organization — the spirit of philanthropy is hurt. Generosity is hurt. Little lies turn into major breeches. Rationalize = rational lies.

So, for a good night’s sleep as a major gift officer:

• If you add mileage to your expense account because it “evens out” those things you forget — stop it.
• If your president says something like, “I’ve had such a hard day I’m going to go home and beat the wife,” and all the good old boys snicker — find a private time to state that this comment hurts you and to refrain from saying it. Your self-worth is more important than his possible retaliation.
• If you are writing a gift agreement, write it specifically to accomplish the donor’s wishes. Of course we address that “forever” needs some flexibility, but add what is needed to give the true donor intent. It must live on past your donor and your time at the organization.
• If leadership purposes using money in a way inconsistent with a donor’s intent, point it out, write a letter to the donor (or heir) asking for clarification. Professionally, but firmly, challenge it.
• If there is an affair going on, gossiping about it, complaining about it makes you part of the problem. Stating to the participants that this makes you uncomfortable and you are concerned about how this reflects on the organization will not get you fired. Really.
• If you are concerned that money is not being handled properly, ask questions. Say, “I’m confused how this expenditure is in line with our budget policy.” Just last week I heard, “We don’t want to ask X about this, he’s thinking we are doing a good job and this will make him wonder.” Get clarification.
• If you are told, “You will go out and ask for $50,000 on this call,” by a supervisor: You make the visit, and if a situation arises that tells you the time is not right — don’t make the ask. (For example, a prospective donor was wheelchair bound from a recent accident, the gift officer was reprimanded for not making the ask. She said they could fire her, but she would not do her work this way and later she was given an apology.)
• On the other hand – be generous with those who make legitimate bloopers. There are simply times we open our mouth and insert a foot. There are times an error is made in bookkeeping, or a check gets sent the wrong direction. There are also situations where leadership needs time to assess a situation, determine the best action and plan a strategy for dealing with the public relations fall out. I am very good at keeping confidences in these situations. There are also donors who have specifically asked that their gifts not be shared with leadership. Again, my lips are sealed. We know when we are being part of the team to find a solution and when we are part of a cover-up.

I am thankful for a good night’s sleep. Please join me!

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© 2011 Marcy Heim and The Artful Asker LLC.

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Marcy Heim is a sought-after coach and trainer to fundraising leadership, staff and key volunteers who are transforming the world by encouraging philanthropy for their missions.  She is a trusted authority in the development profession, who helps organizations and educational institutions uplevel their major gift programs through artful, long-term relationship building that dramatically increases fundraising success AND promotes increased staff job satisfaction. Her monthly Artful Action newsletter inspires leadership and staff to embrace the real power and joy of philanthropy.  If you are ready to take your development efforts to the next level, you can sign up for a F.R.E.E. subscription at www.marcyheim.com.