Tag Archive for: success

Do You HAVE to ASK?

 

“I didn’t even have to ask!”

You may have heard someone say this — and thought, “Wow! That’s great!”

You may have even seen this praised as a goal in fundraising.

But here’s the better question:

 

Is that really the best outcome for your donor and your organization?

(Warning: a little tough love ahead.)

Let’s unpack this. The key question is not whether you had to ask — it’s why didn’t you?

 

Four Possible Scenarios:

 

1. You were uncomfortable asking.
   If you’re honest, you intended to ask… but the words didn’t come. Your inner voice said, “It’s too much” or “It’s not the right time.” That’s fear — and it can lead to silence, or worse, nervous rambling.

 

2. You didn’t know exactly what to ask for.
   You understand the big picture of your organization’s needs, but you’re unclear about specific giving options to present. I call these your Vibrant Options for Giving (VOGs) — created by connecting your strategic plan and operating budget with the question:
   “What could be funded with private gifts?”
   This gives you a variety of meaningful opportunities to explore with each donor — aligning their comfort and interests with your mission.

 

3. Your donor was already eager and engaged.
   You’ve nurtured a strong, ongoing relationship. At some point, your conversation naturally turns to what they’d like to do this year. There’s no formal ask — it’s more about clarifying where their enthusiasm and interest lie.

 

4. Your donor always steps up for new projects.
   You know this giver well — she thrives on making an impact, now. She sees a need and acts, often generously (and usually six figures!).

In these four scenarios, the first two are red flags.
The answer? A clearly written 3-sentence Ask (grab the free worksheet here: marcyheim.com/askworksheet) — and practice!

Also, in scenario #2, your leadership may be contributing to the confusion by failing to define priorities clearly. You can’t make a confident ask if you don’t know what you’re raising money for.

 

We engage with strangers and invite them to become benefactors.

Yes, we are asking for money — but that’s only part of it.

The deeper truth is: we’re helping people give in a way that brings them joy.

The journey from stranger to benefactor is about discovering what inspires their generosity. You listen. You ask questions. You invite them to co-create the impact. You offer real experiences — a tour, a meeting with the CEO, and a chance to see the mission in action.

Some steps are universal. Others are unique. But all of them are intentional — designed to deepen the relationship between your donor and the good their giving makes possible.

And along the way? Clear, confident asks make it easy to say yes.

 

 You have a heart for our county fair.

You understand how generosity helps the fair thrive for the kids and community.

 

Would you consider meeting to explore ways giving to the fair would be meaningful for you?”

 

When the giving goal (your VOG!) is clearly defined, the ask becomes simple:

 

You’ve been helping provide an Academy experience for worthy students for years.
You understand that cost keeps some kids from experiencing our loving, Christian environment.

 

Would you consider a gift of $50,000 to establish the Smith Scholarship Endowment and support an Academy Worthy Student forever?”

 

Start with your best guess about what your donor might want to do.
Write the ask. Test it through experiences that show impact.

Spring is a great time to start planning your asks. By fall, you’ll have clarity.

 

In the meantime, enjoy the relationship. Stay curious. Test ideas. Writing the ask sets an intention — and that’s powerful.

 

So be bold. Stretch your thinking. And take action, even if it’s scary.

When you and your donor arrive together at the right gift, it’s worth the risk — the uncertainty — the slight missteps along the way.

Because in the end, it’s not about the money.
It’s about what the money does.

And when you help create that kind of impact — that kind of joy — for your donor and your mission?

Invest in Joy™

 

 

You always have a choice when timelines slip. Yep, you do.

You can panic. You can blame. You can lay awake at night. You can fire off tense emails, roll your eyes in meetings, and wonder—loudly—why no one else seems to care as much as you do.

Or you can breathe. Reframe.

And please – give this situation the amount of drama it deserves. Remember that deadlines are real… sometimes. More often than not, deadlines are either negotiable—or downright made up. A well-timed, respectful ask for more space can often buy you exactly what you need to complete something with excellence. (But remember… your track record matters. If you’re always the one asking for “just a few more days,” you lose credibility. But if you’re pretty much on time others will often be happy to flex.)

In my coaching calls during this season of galas, runs, and major donor events, I coach a lot around slipping timelines and how this spirals into stress. Instead, let’s get curious about what’s happening here.  (And, keep in mind that in many ways, our major donor relationship action plans are also timelines that shift – remember it the DONOR’S TIMELINE not ours.)

Generally we think of a deadline as something that must happen at a certain time: the gala starts at 6:00, the tent gets delivered by Thursday, the walk begins Saturday morning. But even in these examples how many times are these “deadlines” just timelines—internal plans meant to keep the bigger picture on track?

Timelines should reduce stress. They’re meant to map out the work in manageable and shared pieces. Timelines based on unrealistic or someone’s perfectionism or fear instead of actual constraints, just add pressure and drama. (Bet you all know these folks!)

Let’s shift how we think about and use timelines—for galas, walks, and donor engagement events AND as we consider our major gift donor journeys.

1. What Shapes a Timeline?

Timelines aren’t facts—they’re guesses. Hopefully informed ones, but still guesses. They’re built based on:

• Mindset – If someone assumes the work will be hard, they’ll build in cushion. If they assume it’ll be easy, they won’t. Neither is “wrong”—but mismatched assumptions cause friction.
• Experience – Someone who’s pulled an event for years has a very different sense of what’s realistic than someone doing it for the first time.
• Confidence – If you don’t fully believe in your ability (or your teammate’s), you’ll create more buffer… or more anxiety.
• Trust – If someone’s been burned by a late vendor or a last-minute scramble, they’ll plan defensively. Again, fair! But that doesn’t mean every future timeline should be set in stone based on a past misfire.
• Fear of the unknown – There’s value in building in reasonable wiggle room, but don’t we all know that it’s there???

2. Stop the Spiral When Things Shift

When your timeline slips—and it will—here are your next actions:

• Don’t let one delay trigger a meltdown. Most shifts are recoverable with honest communication and teamwork. Ask – how can we adjust? One of my clients had a report that the golf course her golf outing was going to take place a week later had some maintenance issues. She moved her entire event a week ahead!  It can be done!
• Use check-ins, not call-outs. A timeline should include regular, judgment-free moments to ask, “Where are we?” and “What do you need?” If someone’s behind, find the bottleneck and support them—don’t shame them.
• Check your tone. Passion is great—but if it spills into frustration, finger-pointing, or martyrdom (“I’m the only one who cares here?!”), it kills team morale and trust.
• Keep it about the mission. Yes, you want everything perfect. But your real job is to build community, foster generosity, and move hearts. Don’t lose that in the details.

3. Grace Wins

Every development shop is juggling event logistics, donor stewardship, sponsorship follow-up, and major gift relationship building. Yes, you want a polished experience.

But more than that, you want to inspire generosity and deepen relationships. Everything you do should be measured on the answer to this question…Does this deepen our relationships?

That doesn’t happen through panic, control, or emails IN ALL CAPS. It happens when your team feels like they’re part of something meaningful. Not just another timeline or event machine grinding toward a deadline.

So…

• Hold timelines loosely.
• Treat people with trust.
• Ask for what you need with respect.
• Lead with generosity, not fear.

You always have a choice when timelines slip.

Choose trust. Choose collaboration. Choose to shine.

 

Invest in Joy™

 

Be memorable to your Givers!

You take time to consider your messages and questions before your donor visits. It would be terrific if they heard and remembered our key points, right?

Brian Walter, an internationally highly regarded motivational speaker, has created a system to help your listeners REMEMBER your message!

It’s a frame-work that involves getting your message STICKY by making it Getable, Feelable, Sayable and Doable. Now remember, I just learned this so I am jumping in to try to apply this to our donor conversations.

So…let’s take a scenario and walk through the steps.

Let’s say we are a non-profit that helps the homeless.

1. Getable – our listener must be able to take in the message – get it – and get an ah-ha from it. Perhaps we share, “Did you know that we are feeding over 300 homeless people right here in our community every day?”  I am going with that sounding like a lot in many smaller communities.
2. Feelable – our listener must connect emotion to have the message stick. “Over 100 of these are children under 10 years old.” That would get to me.
3. Sayable – our listener must be able to say it. It’s almost like creating a mini-brand or I can see this being our “campaign” name. Perhaps “Homeless Heros” So we are calling our effort to help solve this problem “Homeless Heros.” It uses alliteration and is easy to say.

OR, maybe this is to inspire volunteers, or legislation.

4. Doable – we want our listener to take action. If X then I do Y.  This step must be easy to understand. Perhaps, “Would you consider a gift of $500 a month to be a Homeless Hero Monthly Helper?”   or maybe Homeless Hero Happy Helper?

Hmmmm.

What jumps into your head?  I DO know that in a song we have the Hook – She loves you ya ya ya (Beatles) and you remember this even if you can’t sing a word of the verse.

The point is to work to make our conversation cover these 4 elements so that our message really STICKS with our giver inspiring them to take ACTION!

What do you think?  Hit reply and let me know if you figure out a great way to use this.  I think if you even consciously considered if you are presenting an idea simply, attaching emotion to it, use words easy and or catchy to repeat, and tie this to a specific action you would get good results. Give it a whirl and let me know what happens!

Thanks for being adventurous!

 

Invest in Joy™

 

You’re likely sharing chocolate and flowers with the special people in your life—including your amazing givers! And let’s not forget those who might be alone after losing a spouse, whose kids have left the nest, or who simply love you. Your kindness can mean the world to them.

In our quest to be everything to everyone (do I know you or what?), we sometimes make love and appreciation more complicated than they need to be.

So, who’s got this love thing figured out? A DOG!

Presenting…

Love Lessons from the Dog

1. Greet everyone with joy. Dogs are always happy to see you—tails wagging, eyes bright, full of excitement. No matter what’s on your mind, practice lighting up when you engage with others. The best part? What starts as practice becomes habit, and soon, joy becomes your natural response.
2. Set boundaries. While a dog would love to be by your side 24/7, that’s not always practical. Couch rules, bedtime routines—boundaries matter. The same goes for your relationships. Loving others doesn’t mean saying yes to everything.
3. Forgive and forget quickly. You could yell at your dog (for something they didn’t even do), and two minutes later, they’re wagging their tail, ready to love you again. Be the person who forgives, lets go, and moves on. (And maybe work on that yelling part!)
4. Go outside in all kinds of weather. Dogs don’t skip their walk just because it’s cold or rainy—and neither should you! Even a short stroll can work wonders. A Stanford University study found that just 15 minutes in nature reduces stress, improves mood, and enhances creativity.
5. Be playful! Ever notice how a dog is always ready for fun? A few moments of play can shift everything. Toss chocolate kisses to your team at a staff meeting, start the day with a silly joke—find your version of “fetch!”
6. Take care in the tub. Baths can be terrifying for dogs—and for good reason! According to the CDC, over 234,000 people in the U.S. visit the ER each year due to slips and falls in the bathtub or shower. So, be careful out there!

Dog lover or not, these lessons will bring more smiles, joy, and lightness to your life.

And most importantly, I want you to love your work, your days, and your life. May this Valentine’s Day—and every day—bring you plenty to wag your tail over!

 

 

 

Happy Valentine’s Day!  (from KK & Bodhi too)

Invest in Joy™

 

Happy New Year!

I love the word NEW!
New friend, new idea, new show, new start… YOUR Happy NEW Year!

Make NEW work for you!

Here are 4 NEWs for a Happier YOU this New Year!

1. “New” feels like ‘second chance’

Let’s be real here – sometimes it’s a third, fourth, or even an “I’m trying again” chance (think the gym). This time of year can feel exhilarating, but it can also remind you of what STILL hasn’t changed. As you age, you begin to recognize the attitudes, actions, and beliefs that shape you – both your gifts and your challenges.

The goal isn’t to say, “That’s just me, and I’ll probably always X.” Instead, aim for broader goals that allow for growth:

“In 2025, I give myself permission to prioritize self-care, whether that’s taking short walks or choosing water more often.”

If “I’ll go to the gym four days a week and drink ten glasses of water daily” hasn’t worked in the past, find a NEW way to embrace your ‘second chance’… and be HAPPY about it!

2. “New” changes your outlook (Yep, a Marcy Mindset Message!)

Reflecting on what went well and what you wish had been different is only meaningful if it shifts your thinking. “It was because…” excuses keep you stuck. Instead, declare NOW what will be different a year from now. WRITE out these as declarations of what has already happened in the coming year.

Together, my wonderful husband Ken and I created 14 declarations for what will have changed by January 1, 2026. In January 2025, we’re writing:

“It’s now January 1, 2026. 1. We have replaced the family room carpet – it’s beautiful. 2. We have lived our faith. 3. Marcy is so much more effective, her office free of clutter and last-minute syndrome thanks to her new COO hire.”

By putting these declarations out there, you set intentions, and remarkably, the actions to fulfill them show up!

3. “New” can include “Old”

Change can be both exciting and overwhelming. While rapid, dramatic change might pave the way to “better,” it can also create uncertainty and fear. Tradition offers comfort and continuity in the face of change.

For example, in-person events will always hold value. While I’ll never live stream my band from the bar, short videos of us playing have become a regular feature on Facebook. Similarly, direct mail remains impactful when combined with email and social media.

Traditions foster shared meaning and connection. When you embrace both traditions and change, you find balance and happiness. Take time to identify and preserve the ones most meaningful to you, your family, and your donors.

4. “New” says, “No More.”

NEW can mean letting go. Perhaps it’s saying, “No more overworking to the point of burnout.” You know when you’ve crossed the line into self-decay.

I absolutely LOVE my life – supporting clients, singing in my band, and being with family. But I’ve also realized I’ve been sacrificing rest, reading, and simply enjoying life. That’s changing. I’ve started scheduling these things: walking, movies, and even gym time with my son David and his girlfriend – a double gift in the same amount of time!

Little shifts can lead to big differences. For me, it’s also about investing in help for those pieces I don’t like or I am not good at. No more letting small tasks rob the joy of big achievements. This year, a project manager or COO or Executive Assistant will help me keep the details in check.  I will find that person!

So, for YOU, what is NEW?

• What are your broader goals for growth?
• What declarations will be true by January 1, 2026?
• Which traditions will you hold onto for comfort and joy?
• What actions will you take, and what will you say “No More” to?

Take a moment to jot down what resonates with you!

May you truly have a Happy NEW Year.

Know that what you do every day brings joy and gratitude, rippling out to so many others.

I sincerely appreciate you.

Thank you.
May you THRIVE in 2025!

 

Invest in Joy™