Are your donors filthy rich?

Are your donors filthy rich?

Well you certainly hope so, right?  Or do you find that description a bit offensive?

Ever stop to think about just what you think about money and wealth?

In my presentations, I ask my audiences to fill in these blanks….Go ahead, you try it.

“Money doesn’t grow on ____________.

“Money is the root of all ____________.

“What do you think I am, made of ___________?

“We’ll do that when we win the _____________!

“You can either be rich or you can be ____________.

and, of course….“___________rich”

Nearly 100% of my audiences complete these phrases the same. Why? Our thinking around money has been shaped by what we heard about money from key influencers growing up – parents, religious leaders, friends and the media. Was money a source of joy in your home, too?  Or do you remember battles around money, concern or struggles around money, or perhaps envy around money from those who perceived you as more affluent? Were you able to do more things…sports, theater, vacations BECAUSE of the money you had compared to others?

According to a Pew Research Center analysis, the US stands head and shoulders above the rest of the world in wealth. Almost 90% of Americans are above the global middle-income standards. More than half of Americans were “rich.” You are probably rich in a world-wide view.  Are you comfortable saying, “I am rich!?”

Now let’s look at the answers to these phrases.

“Money doesn’t grow on ____________.”  Trees.  This is the notion that it’s hard to acquire money and some just have an easier time than others. How they got their money is key – inherited or earned! It gives us an excuse NOT to have the same wealth. We simply did not have the same opportunities or circumstances. What’s malarkey about that is we all know of folks who had nothing and created enormous wealth, and those who had all the advantages and amounted to nothing. We create our lives…and our wealth.

“Money is the root of all ____________.”  Evil.  From the Bible. However the real verse reads “The love of money is the root of all evil.” This supports artful fundraising. To me, when you want the money so desperately that pressure tactics, guilt, intimidation, whatever is used to get it, you cross an integrity and values line.  When “the ask” is pushed before the relationship is established it feels “evil.”

“What do you think I am, made of ___________?  Money. The parent dealing with a child’s “want” by blaming a lack of money is not teaching thoughtful decision-making and money management. Rather, it’s implying that other’s have different advantages that can’t be controlled. “There is never enough” robs us of developing gratitude for what we have.

“We’ll do that when we win the _____________!” Lottery. Again…something external, beyond our control is responsible for our success and wealth – not us. The “victim hat” is securely on. Life does things TO us – good or bad – rather than us taking responsibility for being in the driver’s seat of our life.

“You can either be rich or you can be ____________.” Spiritual, Loving, Kind, Liked, Good….add you own amazing word. It’s the sad state of Either/Or versus Both. It’s our justification that wealth somehow saddles us with a host of negative traits. Thus, wealth is to be avoided for what it does to our virtues.  In fact, you can be spiritual, loving, kind, liked and good AND be wealthy. Don’t we know scores of donors who are?  Yet don’t we also feel the negative vibes of envy as we acquire wealth or talk about our donor’s generosity? And there is plenty of messaging that supports either/or thinking.

And last…but perhaps the most poisonous…. “________ rich!” Filthy. “Filthy rich” by one definition means you’re so wealthy, it’s practically obscene. Now is it just the wealth itself that is filthy, the people with the wealth, or is this about the way in which they accumulated wealth?

Remember, “We become what we think about” and we often don’t even realize the opinions we harbor from our early experiences around money that deeply impact how we feel, and judge, ourselves and our donors today. Would you ever begin a major donor visit with, “Hi, you’re filthy rich and we need money”? Probably not…but are you thinking it? If you are, your donor will sense she is being judged.

Here are 5 tips for positive money mindsets as you build relationships with your major donors.

1. Guard against envy. Thoughts like, “Yeah, I’ll never have money like that” “They are sure lucky” serve no one. They discredit your donors and they will feel it.
2. Use “both” in written and verbal donor descriptions. “Jane is both wealthy and deeply admired in the community.” It will help you believe that it is true.
3. Discard your own “victim hat”. “I create the exact amount of my financial success.”
4. Admire and model the rich and successful people you engage.
5. If you are spiritual, bless and acknowledge wealth. In a donor’s beautiful home – bless the donor and the home.  Bless what you want to draw into your own life.

We have been raised to believe that talking about money is rude. “Congrats on your new job.  What will your salary be?” is not something we’d say. Embrace that we all have stuff around money. Seek out what is in your head. Decide to keep it or revise it. Not only will your relationships with your major donors be deeper and more authentic, your own personal success around money will improve. Your capacity to earn, hold and grow money will expand. Enjoy!