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May you never need this…

Remember…”I CREATE MY LIFE!” Right? We do. We must take responsibility for our choices. But, we don’t always make the best choices. Notice I’m putting everyone in this picture.

In my 30 plus years in advancement leadership and coaching, I’ve experienced inappropriate photos of elderly residents on Facebook, fraud accusations on the front page about a donor just about to make a named building gift, finding dead animals on a research farm, staff/leadership embezzling or wrongfully spending donor money and staff/board saying or doing something determined to be “inappropriate.”

As I gain years and experiences, I believe I also have gained some wisdom.

Here are 5 tips to handle scandals.

1. Shut Up. Ok, not artful. Don’t gossip. Don’t stir the pot.  

“Did you hear such and such?” We have this urge to join the crowd screaming in shock at a wrongdoing. Certainly these actions may disappoint or sicken me deeply, but I always begin by considering how broken a person must be to have done what he/she did. I am not advocating secrecy, rather discretion in how we talk about scandals. Don’t be the one who brings it up. Poor behavior can happen in any of our organizations and with any of our donors. Don’t act or react until you have facts.

2. Refer major donors to the highest authority.

Even if you have the “official” statement, major donors with questions deserve to have something unsavory explained to them from the highest official possible. The Dean, President, ED, or CEO stating that there was a situation, those who were involved have been dealt with and ensuring that steps have been taken to prevent this in the future will re-build trust. When the CEO of a facility talked directly with the families impacted by poor actions of 2 nursing assistants, the families were reassured it would not recur.

3. Focus on the legacy of positive and strong service and leadership.

A development professional whose institution was involved in a wide-spread abuse scandal met with a faculty member. The faculty member was the father of not only one victim who was abused, but two. He opened the meeting by saying, “99.99% of things that happen at this university are good.” It’s so true. Remind others of the good work we do the vast majority of the time. Strong leadership is the norm.

4. Be part of creating better systems.

One Dean I worked with engaged in questionable use of donor dollars and was removed. Since then, my Memorandums of Agreement with major donors are longer and provide iron-clad clarity on the donor’s wishes. Yes, we need to “allow future leadership the opportunity to adapt to changing realities.” But, the letter of agreement lives on legally long after contact screens are buried, staff changes and no one is around who remembers the specific feelings of the donor.

When an ED’s cheerfully said, “No worries. You head on home. I can take the money bags to the bank” it created over time $300,000 in stolen money and re-enforced why two sets of hands are on any handling of cash. Period. No exceptions.

If board members are uncomfortable with the financials, ASK! This does not mean running the day-to-day, but you have a responsibility to understand what’s going on in the books. An ED asked me to talk to her Board President about “micro-managing her.” Turns out she was directing dollars into her personal account.

5. Manage judgment and the drama of being “offended.”

We have a tendency to find our “grey” more acceptable than others.
Your own moral compass guides you every day in your actions, words and judgments. The store misses charging you for an item or we write ourselves an extra $20 in mileage on our expense account. Hmmm.

People DO change as they grow. New experiences conquer fear of the unknown. My dad had life-long friends from his military service. He called some “colored” with all the love and respect that comes in a true friendship. As he aged and learned about more preferred words, he adopted these. Please don’t judge him as “racial” based upon words he knows from his past when those were the words used.

When Maya Angelou was at Wakefield College students ask to meet with her and separated into “black students” and “white students.” They would ask her questions about each other and she would say, “I don’t know. Why don’t you ask them? They are sitting right here!” and she melted the barriers of fear.

There are those I sadly believe begin each day wondering, “What am I going to be offended by today?” And sure enough, they will find what they seek. They deepen divides and foster despair and anger. Rather, seek to understand that our experiences, culture and perceptions from little on up shape our actions and reactions. People need help to change and grow.

Investing your time in “outrage” is exhausting. Instead practice deep listening with your mind open to increasing understanding and harmony. It will refocus all that negative energy on more productive donor work!

If anything has changed for me as I get older it is to ask when anything negative strikes my world…”What can I do to lift up others in this situation?” As the Dalai Lama says, “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.

Invest in JOY®

Marcy Heim is a trusted authority in the development profession and helps organizations and educational institutions boost their major gift programs through artful, long-term relationship building that dramatically increases fundraising success while promoting increased staff job satisfaction. To receive a free chapter from Marcy’s book, Empower Your Board to Serve as Effective Development Ambassadors, click here.

Questions:  Contact KK Konicek at KK@MarcyHeim.com

Fretting over all there is to do is not helpful. But THERE IS SO MUCH TO DO!

Turnover in our profession is at an all-time high. During campaign feasibility studies I like to ask, “How could we serve our very important donors, like you, better?” Too often I hear, “I don’t even bother to learn their name. It will be someone different next time asking the same question, “What inspires you to give to us?” Yikes!
A recent AFP study puts the average tenure of a new development professional at 16 months.

Why do we leave?

1. Our passion isn’t enough to turn down more pay.
We probably took our job because we deeply believed in the mission. We may even have taken a pay CUT. But the need is enormous and the focus is on getting the money. “Feels like you work 24/7 to keep the doors open and the lights on.” A better paycheck, even outside our passion, looks good. Perhaps we leave non-profit work altogether.

2. There is no way to be “more efficient” wearing so many hats.
Just this week I was coaching with two development professionals who both oversee everything from the ‘fruit and candy sale’ to events, the annual fund, data base, research, marketing and, of course, major gifts. The list of tasks is enormous and the long days “to catch up” have become the norm. I had one Dean who announced upon his arrival that he expected everyone in the office Saturday morning…every Saturday morning. Perhaps this is also a “part-time” position.

3. “Opportunity Knocks” and we are not excited.
A donor brings a major gift to the table to launch some new project – maybe on the list – but certainly we don’t have infrastructure in place to take it on now, but oh my the board is excited. Or a matching challenge is made – great news but it won’t happen without a good deal of additional effort. These decisions over time create a model that is unsustainable – we grew beyond where we could function.

4. Seems like metrics only point out where we fall short.
Perhaps your day begins with your “dashboard” of visit, phone, dollars raised blazing forth to remind you to get moving if you want to “meet your numbers.” Who cares about donor satisfaction as long as the money is coming in.

“Anxiety only empties you today of your strength. Focus on the best, celebrate baby steps and drop the rest.” Marcy Heim

You are enough.

1. Focus on what IS being done – and done well.
At times we actually can take on the victimization of the very mission we are supporting and feel their pain. Instead we must constantly celebrate each small victory. When we make a difference in a person’s life today – that is good. Build up the positive non-tangible rewards, beyond the paycheck, that WE MAKE happen. The self-fulfillment that money can’t buy. That very focus brings us more success and lifts our entire budget – including our paychecks.

2. Focus on what to stop, drop, dump, dissolve, quit, end.
As the year begins, look back and dream ahead. Focus on what to DROP and STOP.

STOP working all the time. Go home for dinner. Turn off that blasted phone. A VIP client shared a story about a new donor..very high capacity..who closed his construction company every Saturday and Sunday. Period. His employees worked like crazy Monday through Friday and he was wildly successful, with low turnover.

You know this. Set up boundaries for yourself. Your organization will not do this.
“But I just can’t ignore a message from a donor.” Yes you can.

“I have to get off the social media treadmill.” Yes, you do.

You have MORE value when you value YOURSELF. Self-sacrifice is not “noble” when it depletes you. Serving others at the cost of YOU time is not noble, it’s being a martyr. Long days are often unproductive days. DROP and STOP.

3. Focus on delivering the best results.
The UW Madison Kohl Center is 20 years old. This is our convocation/basketball facility made possible with a $25M gift from Senator Herb Kohl. It was “on the needs list” for over 2 decades…other donor money had been given but not enough to do the project right – and so the money was held until the time was right for success.

A coaching client shared her ED was constantly changing what was “most important” on her list. Get agreement in writing and ASK for clarity about what warrants a change to this chart.

A major gift for a new project was given a timeline that was workable for the infrastructure and didn’t dump more on current staff. We told the donor clearly how we were spending money and why. The Board was told that jumping in to launch this with no sustainable funding or staffing would fail. This is embracing “opportunity” so it STAYS an opportunity.

4. Focus on the quality of the activity more than the quantity of the activity.
I was blessed to work closely with Dave Dunlop, who’s now retired after an exemplary 38-year career with Cornell University. Dave is credited for co-creating, with Buck Smith, the practice of “moves management.” He says, “It can easily be misunderstood, so people start “making moves” and making a game of moves, rather than really recognizing the process that we’re a part of is inspiring people to do the things that we believe they would want to do anyway.”

Steve Engle, a former VIP client, stressed every development team member needs “metrics” that fit their unique gifts and contributions to impactful relationship management. One size does not fit all. The lazy manager will look at numbers. The inspiring leader will read the contact screens.

You are enough.
So listen to me now. You care enough. You know enough. You work hard enough. You are doing enough. Strive to bring forth YOUR special brand of caring and kindness to your prospective and current givers, your colleagues, your family and yourself.

You are enough.

Invest in JOY®

Marcy Heim is a trusted authority in the development profession and helps organizations and educational institutions boost their major gift programs through artful, long-term relationship building that dramatically increases fundraising success while promoting increased staff job satisfaction. To receive a free chapter from Marcy’s book, Empower Your Board to Serve as Effective Development Ambassadors, click here.

Questions:  Contact KK Konicek at KK@MarcyHeim.com

It’s time for you to make time to stare into space – rest and reboot!

1. Make decisions quickly and take action.

Successful people decide and DO. Make a decision. You can always make another decision. And the more you make the better you get at making great ones. Take action! Past donors in their 70’s who biked hundreds of miles exploring foreign places this past year wrote in their holiday greeting, “It’s better to wear out than rust out!”

2. Make a GRAND 2018 PLAN.

I create a BIG, COLORFUL VISUAL 2018 calendar. It gives me clarity and power. I begin by blocking days OFF – every Sunday, vacations, retreats, continued learning and renewal. THEN I add key family events – birthdays, reunions. Finally my speaking, band, event dates already booked, my regular communications – like this ezine. This process helps me blend personal and professional goals.

3. What 2-3 BIG Goals do you want to achieve? Start a family tradition.We have a tradition.

Sometime around January 1st the family sits around the table. Each has an 8 ½ by 5 ½ sheet of yellow paper and colorful markers. We put our names on the top then every family member writes one goal for themselves and each other. We look at last year and talk about how it went. Over the past decade doing this, our ability to set and achieve our goals has skyrocketed!

4. Reflection, gratitude, perception.

A noted “trendspotter” reported 2017 was a year of “disruption and despair.” Goodness. Glad I don’t live in her world. I promise you, what you are looking for you will find. Be that sorrow, mistakes of co-workers, gifts that didn’t work out or the shortcomings of friends, family and leaders. 2017 was one of my most uplifting and joyful years! What did you see and perceive? Bet it came true.

5. Opportunity Knocks!

When you are clear on what you want, don’t fret about exactly HOW you will get there. The road is rarely straight and clear – rather there are snow drifts, curves, detours and delays. These are opportunities disguised as new relationships and experiences that will propel you towards your goals! Don’t ignore them because they were not part of the steps you envisioned.

Thank you for allowing me to be part of your navigation system. May your path in 2018 be filled with wonder, joy and light! And yes – hairpin turns, hills, tunnels, road-work and potholes – therein lies the magic!

Invest in JOY®

Marcy Heim is a trusted authority in the development profession and helps organizations and educational institutions boost their major gift programs through artful, long-term relationship building that dramatically increases fundraising success while promoting increased staff job satisfaction. To receive a free chapter from Marcy’s book, Empower Your Board to Serve as Effective Development Ambassadors, click here.

Questions:  Contact KK Konicek at KK@MarcyHeim.com

Marcy Heim is a trusted authority in the development profession and helps organizations and educational institutions boost their major gift programs through artful, long-term relationship building that dramatically increases fundraising success while promoting increased staff job satisfaction. To receive a free chapter from Marcy’s book, Empower Your Board to Serve as Effective Development Ambassadors, click here.

Questions:  Contact Cathy Yerges at Cathy@MarcyHeim.com

Ever look around your office or home and wonder how you would even begin to deal with all the stuff? Simply put, clutter is anything that gets in the way of living the life of your dreams. If you want a different job, a better relationship or greater peace of mind, but your life is filled with boxes of mementos, unworn clothes, papers or stacks of unread books, you’re clogging the path to your happiness. The over-consumption of digital stuff has the same effect on your brain as physical clutter.

So celebrate with me this recycle bin piled high with paper on the way out! The space of empty boxes is uplifting. The weight of that paper is gone!

Researchers at Yale have identified two areas in your brain that feel the loss of a valued possession the same as something that causes you physical pain. The more you’ve committed emotionally or financially to an item, the more it literally hurts your brain to come to terms with that fact that it should go.

When your brain has too much on its plate, it splits its power up. The result? You become awful at:

• filtering information
• switching quickly between tasks
• keeping a strong working memory

We joke about our forgetfulness as we age, but honestly, it is mainly a reflection of too much—stuff, information, and commitments—aka clutter.

Your clutter has a lot to tell you about what’s off-balance in your life.

5 clutter traps, the emotional issues around them, and what to do

– adapted from “What your clutter is trying to tell you” by Kerri Richardson

1. YOUR WARDROBE – Emotional issue: Nostalgia
What this means: Wardrobe clutter often means you’re holding on to a fantasy self—one that was more youthful, thinner, or happier—a time when you felt as if anything was possible. You want to feel that way again. This can also be behind dealing with extra pounds.
What to do: Ask, “How can I get the same fulfillment in my current life that those old clothes represent?”

2. YOUR DESK Emotional issue: Procrastination
What this means: Piles of paper may be an excuse to avoid moving on. Ignore the piles, hold off dealing with difficult issues or new (perhaps scary) opportunities. The pressure of the expectations alone is enough to keep the clutter on your desk.
What to do: Decide you want to move on – this one is pure mindset. Then end subscriptions, take pictures or scan old stuff you want to remember and PITCH.

3. YOUR CAR Emotional issue: No boundaries
What this means: Letting clutter pile up in your car means that no space is left for you. Your car should be your own space, not a dumping ground. Are you keeping your calendar full so you can tell yourself you’re too busy to make changes in your life?
What to do about it: Create “dates” with yourself and honor them as if you were another person. Be ok with the discomfort of disappointing other people. Dealing with boundary clutter leads to cleaner relationships, less stress, and deeper connections.

4. YOUR GARAGE/BASEMENT Emotional issue: Avoidance
What this means: Leaving boxes of possessions and unfinished projects to stack up means you lack the mental energy to face difficult tasks. Avoiding it lets you pretend it’s not there. But each time you see it, the mess before you saps your energy. You create a landfill in your home.
What to do about it: Get a friend who is unattached to the stuff and can be firm, block off a few large chucks of time (1/2 days) and get it gone!

5. YOUR ATTIC OR BASEMENT Emotional issue: Guilt
What this means: Family heirlooms, old cards and unwanted stuff are no longer of use — but you feel by getting rid of them, you’re betraying your loved ones. It layers on emotional baggage – obligations, memories, joy, sadness and regret.
What to do about it: If something makes you smile when you see it, it’s not clutter. Re-evaluate the worth and either say goodbye or make it a daily part of your life.

Clutter in your Year-End work impacts your results.

1. Clutter in your database or lists.  Emotional issue: Nostalgia

How many folks are on the list that made one memorial gift and you think might become “regular” donors?  Are bad addresses robbing your postage budget but you think you can reconnect? “We’ve always done it this way.”

2. Clutter on your board. Emotional Issue: Guilt

They may have capacity or influence, but face it; this mission is not their passion. You are disappointed in their performance. They are sorry they got talked into something they really don’t want to invest time and energy into.

3. Clutter in your year-end plan. Emotional Issue: No Boundaries

You’ve been into the online webinars again and every idea sounds great! Now you have so many ideas going – Giving Tuesday, segmenting, email solicitations, Facebook – your “plan” is more like throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing if any of it will stick.

4. Clutter in your own life – your physical and emotional space. (see DESK above) Emotional Issues: No Boundaries, Guilt and Avoidance.

You are major gift officer or ED, mom/dad (aunt/uncle, grandparent, whatever) and volunteer. Your commitments, even though you “enjoy” them have left your life so full there is no down time for you – your quiet space and self-reflection (even raging extroverts need this). Besides, taking time for you feels selfish.

Clutter – Stand up for your mental and physical space!

Yes, clutter negatively affects your performance and joy, but it is your perception of clutter that matters, not someone else’s.

Personally – take a stand (and some action) on some of the clutter in your life. Professionally – step into your power and knowledge as an advancement professional and lead your year-end actions.  Onward to less!

Invest in JOY®

Marcy Heim is a trusted authority in the development profession and helps organizations and educational institutions boost their major gift programs through artful, long-term relationship building that dramatically increases fundraising success while promoting increased staff job satisfaction. To receive a free chapter from Marcy’s book, Empower Your Board to Serve as Effective Development Ambassadors, click here.

Questions:  Contact Cathy Yerges at Cathy@MarcyHeim.com