Passion vs. Drama: 5 Steps for MGOs to Stay in the NO DRAMA ZONE

In our major gift development work, we speak passionately about passion! The best staff, volunteers and donors are those who have PASSION for our mission. Have you ever noticed, however, that this passion can cross over to drama? And that can be a real challenge. Yes, drama! We say we hate it, but we create it! And we create it because of fear; of a bad review, not meeting metrics, another non-profit getting the gift, and on and on, and then want to create reasons why it’s not our fault. Drama manifests itself in over-reaction, emotional words, verbal attacks, gossip, criticism, tears and anger. Then we add more drama by talking about the drama to anyone who will listen!

Here are 5 steps for staying in the No Drama Zone.

1. Look inside yourself.

The Drama Zone is filled with really nice, well-meaning people who are looking for answers in the wrong place… outside of themselves… instead of taking responsibility and doing what needs to be done. We all have stuff and when we are able to talk about it from the perspective of “What can I do about it?” as opposed to “Woe is me. My donor canceled our appointment.” “My board members never do their calls.” we can go to the next step – find a solution and take action. And… do another self-check – are you really tired or starving? Take that into account. The whole situation may look better after lunch!

2. Stick to the facts.

Another MGO has scheduled an appointment with one of YOUR donors or another organization is connecting with YOUR donor…obviously to rob you of your major gift. Skip the fear and instead explore what the connection is and consider how you can support it as part of the overall relationship you are building with the donor. Perhaps a spouse has a different interest, the donor may be exploring a memorial gift in another area, or, even if they have supported you in the past, they may be expanding their giving to other areas. We don’t own donors, we serve them. Find out the facts first (passion). Don’t react (drama).

3. Speak to others in person whenever possible.

In my coaching work, I have seen some unbelievably snarky emails between colleagues. Send a note saying, ‘I’d prefer to discuss this in person. What time works for you?’ You will be surprised how few people respond. You can type those harsh emails… but be sure to hit “save as draft” instead of “send.” Face-to-face conversations give us non-verbal clues and leaves less room for confusion. Get out of your chair, and get to the other person IN person as soon as you can. Then begin with, “It’s really important to me that we straighten this out.”

4. Take personal responsibility for the “paper trail.”

Do you hear “accountability” and “metrics” in this? Here’s the deal. When supervisors talk about wanting “accountability” I think that’s backwards to our success. Why? Meeting metrics doesn’t raise money. Passion does. Accountability implies forced leadership and micro-managing. It has at its base “you are accountable to me” and leads to drama in meeting numbers. Responsibility is individualized and team-oriented. It’s “I am” and “I will” as a process. If I’m accountable, it’s less likely that I’ll ever do my best or be my best. Rather, I’ll do what’s necessary, and meet numbers. Responsibility lets me take pride in my achievement and work.

5. Leave the drama behind.

When someone around you is behaving dramatically, leave the situation. If they are gossiping and trying to draw you in, simply say, “I’d rather not speculate.” It seems to me we talk a lot more about negative feelings (drama) than we do positive feelings (passion). Remember, feelings are like waves, we can’t stop them, but we can choose which ones to ride.

——————-

© 2012 Marcy Heim and The Artful Asker LLC.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEBSITE? Please do! Just be sure to include this complete blurb with it:

Marcy Heim is a sought-after coach and trainer to fundraising leadership, staff and key volunteers who are transforming the world by encouraging philanthropy for their missions. She is a trusted authority in the development profession, who helps organizations and educational institutions uplevel their major gift programs through artful, long-term relationship building that dramatically increases fundraising success AND promotes increased staff job satisfaction. Her monthly Artful Action newsletter inspires leadership and staff to embrace the real power and joy of philanthropy. You can sign up for a complimentary subscription at www.marcyheim.com.