Tag Archive for: philanthropy

Can you be trusted? This is about TRUST. Earning your donor’s trust and knowing you have set this up to honor that trust is what your agreements do.

Here’s my story.

You’re meeting with your new leader – the Dean, CEO, Executive Director, or Manager. Will she “get” development at all? Will she be a partner in building artful relationships? Will she simply want to know, “what big gifts came in this week” and have little interest in being involved with relationship-building?

It’s a stressful time. We want to be optimistic about the new leadership partnership. But we are understandably anxious to know how this leader will operate in the giving arena.

During my 23 years of incredible major gift work at the University of Wisconsin, I was privileged to work with amazing faculty and leaders — most still cherished friends today. There was one Dean, however, that had a very different understanding. Shortly after she began, she asked me how many endowed funds we had and if I could provide the memorandums of agreement for the funds. I was delighted! Certainly she wanted to get familiar with the funds – especially those with living donors so we could visit, thank and begin a relationship.  Wonderful!

Wrong. I was SO wrong.

She wanted first the agreements with NO living donors. Her goal?  Loopholes. Yes, loopholes in my agreements that would allow her to spend the money HER way.

Much to my horror, she invaded funds to use the earnings for her own uses while I sat by helpless to do anything about it.  Sure, I shared my concerns with higher-ups, but the agreement was what mattered. Fast forward – the dean was not renewed, and the next Dean was terrific. The fund’s earnings were again used correctly and all was well, right?  Honestly, the trust I felt I had a hand in breaking has haunted me forever.  My donors trusted me.

This was an experience that would forever change how I approached documenting the wishes of a donor…..and for that fact, how I looked at every legal document – personal or professional.  It got to be a bit of a joke at the UW Foundation – how long Marcy’s letters of agreement were.  You bet they were! And they were crystal clear.

Here’s Marcy’s “Never Forget List” you need when completing any sort of agreement, memorandum, contract or other legal documentation in work and life.

1. Agreements must be written.

Conversations have no legal strength. They told me “this or that” rarely is heard. What did the legal agreement say? If you die without a will, it doesn’t matter what you told the kids. If you go into a coma without a medical directive, you have no say, nor do others, as to what happens next.

If you don’t record clear meeting minutes, you have no record of what was discussed or decided.

2. Agreements must clearly state the organization or institution.

Certainly the legal name of your organization or institution is important, but the EIN number (Employer Identification Number – Tax number free online) solidly identifies YOU.  If you say “the Catholic school in MyTown” that could mean scores of potential places – and I have seen an estate gift divided up to places we know the donor never intended. Name, ID, address. Exactly who are the players in the agreement.

3. Agreements must be crystal clear on the use.

Yes, many agreements set up “for all time” situations so we may be told to write them “flexibly” as to not tie the hands of future administration or force us into costly legal situations so that we can “use” the money or implement the directive.  They also need to honorably speak for the donor, the child, you.  Using examples of your donor’s vision for how this money would or would NOT be used helps bring clarity. It is helpful to include your donor’s intentions in making the gift, “In setting up this fund, the donors wish to honor the life of Joe Smith, Betty’s father, and his connection to the FFA for more than 40 years.”

4. The agreement needs to address, ‘What if?”

Time changes everything. What if we no longer have this department, program, whatever?  You must ask and you must have a documented answer. You can use standard language, “In the event X ceases to exist, the organization will use the funds for the closest purpose as the original intent as possible.” Better…set up someone – family or friend – to consult. Or, list examples of what broader uses would look like for the donor.  And, include things the donor would roll over in their grave to see happen with their money.

5. The agreement needs to be as long as the agreement needs to be.

I have a reputation for writing long agreements.  Why? Because I learned the hard way — a dead donor has no voice except in my agreements. And working through these actually is a way of serving your donor – helping them get clear on what they want to do.  I have actually increased the gift size working through the agreement as a donor better understands what dollars are really needed to accomplish some task. Additionally, if a donor wants 15 interviews and an essay contest to award a scholarship, writing this out is a great way to educate on how this may not be practical to implement FOR ALL TIME…when that staff member who agreed to do it is long gone.

This also pertains to meeting minutes for Boards.  Make an Executive Summary if your board wants shorter minutes, but document who said what.

6. The agreement legally must be kept for all time. 

How many of us stay at a place 23 years? I saw funds implemented, donors pass and how the communications with new leadership and staff played out. Question #1, ‘Is there an agreement on how this money should be used?” If you want a specific letter included in the agreement, scan it and insert it into the body of the agreement.  Trust me…attachments and exhibits get lost.  After over 20 years at the UW, it was clear that agreements are kept, scanned and documented.  Letters, contact screens, call reports can well be deleted to make room for more.

Likewise for meeting minutes – by law your Board meeting minutes must be kept for all time.  The level of detail and clarity can be invaluable and minutes can even provide insight into how the group was thinking as they made a decision.  Trust me – no one remembers – or remembers accurately.

This is about TRUST. Earning your donor’s trust and knowing you have set this up to honor that trust is what your agreements do.  Sadly, your word means nothing unless it is documented in your agreement. It hurts to see misuse and have no power to correct it.  It is a forever JOY to see your donors and their families forever delighted with the results of their generosity!

You have the power to create and honor trust.  I totally trust you to make it happen and I appreciate your noble contributions to lifting others up through their giving!

Dealing with a pot-stirrer. Now just what do I mean by that?

Have you ever noticed how some people seem to continually stir things up?  I call them pot-stirrers. And the problem is they can make a mess of things…including your peace of mind and progress. In college, my roommate, Holly, made this amazing spaghetti sauce with meatballs one night. I came home, smelled it, grabbed the spoon and began stirring. The aroma! She shrieked and told me to STOP IT NOW!  Apparently the meat balls were binding together and my stirring broke them all apart. So it’s meat sauce. Well meatballs have different ingredients that don’t taste right spread throughout meat sauce. It was an enormous crisis and she has never let me forget it or I think ever forgiven me for being so thoughtless.

Believe me; I learned stirring the pot can have real consequences!

All these years later, I see pot-stirrers every day all around us – staff, board, donors, friends, family – and honestly they CAN stir up a mess.  They can appear to be helpful – but they really are not. They don’t generally ruin anything completely…just like you CAN still eat the meat “sauce” but they generally add drama, stress and confusion and they can get in the way of you doing your best work.

So what are the characteristics of a pot-stirrer?

• They have talent, but stirring the pot allows them to draw attention to themselves for self-promotion.
• They can do good work, but stirring the pot to create drama masks their performance or contribution short falls.
• They are both outspoken, but also chit-chatting behind the scenes.
• They are onboard as long as they see something in it for them – they’re not really altruistic and quick to bail if they aren’t getting something out of it or the going gets rough.
• They can break trust and instigate trouble – all in the name of “concern” for the organization.
• They tend to be dramatic, gossipy – all in a spirit of caring for the organization or the work.

It’s the Board member who “suggests” what the staff should be doing.  It’s the staff member who talks on and on about the one gift they brought in…well below the metrics they should be maintaining. It’s the Board member who has conversations with other board members about staff or how something is handled to build up support before bringing it up to the leadership. It’s the donor who asks publicly how another project is going, knowing it is struggling. It’s the child who reports on what brother did because “he’s worried about him.” Pot-Stirrers.

So how do you deal with the Pot-Stirrers in your life?

1. Recognize them publicly – they want the attention. Select any parts of their actions that are actually helpful and reward them. What you focus on you grow.
2. Communicate clear boundaries.  These are the folks who will contact staff directly and give them directions – not cool and puts staff in an awkward spot.  Of course staff is not going to be comfortable saying no to a board member. Empower them to say they will check in with leadership and see where the request fits into current work.  Of course staff can and should handle requests for food preferences for an event, directions, etc.
3. Look for the deeper issue. We want service to feel good for our board members, but sometimes pot stirrers are using the board to feel valued and want to fill a void in their personal relationships or life.  You are not a therapist for their personal issues.
4. Recognize self-promotion and manage your expectations of what they can REALLY do for you. We have those board members and staff members that use their role to promote themselves – their visibility and advancement.  They are the ones who announce their role on your board to any publication that will print it. They are the staff members that will stop by to “chat” with leadership about a successful call or gift and actually do half of the calls.  The challenge here is that these folks are not really “influencers.” Their relationships are superficial and when it comes to really moving something forward for your organization they don’t have deep enough relationship capital to get the job done. Hear, “I know them, but not really well enough to get this visit.” Much of this is social media based. Bottom-line – don’t count of them for the long-haul or the big breaks.  They really aren’t major players.
5. Respond with warmth yet crispness. If you feel they DO mean well…you can manage the drama they create by responding warmly but evenly and crisply.  “That’s good advice. We’ll add it to the mix.”  Don’t EVER get into gossiping with them. Never.
6. Pin down specific times for action.  Typically these folks speak up boldly at Board or committee meetings, but deliver depending on THEIR workloads.  This creates stress as staff negotiates these tasks within their planned timelines.  And, they can get snarky when you stand your ground that their free time does not coincide with theirs.  Better to set clear expectations from the start, complete with what you will do if they miss their commitments.
7. Declare behind-the-scenes chit-chat off limits.  These folks also tend to find others on the board or staff that are not the bold ones and who become their followers or supporters.  ‘I agree with Gladys. We should do such and such.’  As much as possible have leadership remind staff and board that when everyone participates during meetings and not in the hallways the best results are achieved.

Don’t let the Pot-Stirrers in your world get you hot.  Don’t be fooled by them either. Their play to be your “special advocate’ is generally hollow.  Remember, EVERY ingredient in your dish is important. Combined properly and inspired toward shared goals these ingredients simmer in the sauce and combine to create something deeper, richer, heartier, healthier and more flavorful.

May your summer be filled with simmering delights!

You are passionate about what you do. I SO get that.

It’s why you stay up past midnight the night before an event tying ribbons on table favors. It was a great idea and you must pull it off!

It’s why, as VP of Advancement over a sprawling staff of hundreds, you spend your days inspiring your team—and evenings getting your own work done.

It’s why you ask your family to understand – mommy’s going to be working late…again.

For some small shops, you are literally the gas that fires an engine so small there is not yet a gas tank!

But hear me now…. passion does not equal success. And pouring on the passion over a long period of time can drain the joy right out of you.

It’s a bit like what I hear every plane ride – “Put on your own oxygen mask first, then help others.” You can’t help anyone if you’re dead. Over-the-top passion cannot be sustained and can become a drama of exhaustion and overwhelm.

You need PASSION PLUS!  Let me explain…

Passion Plus Tools for Success

1. Passion PLUS Planning.

“Rolling up your sleeves” and fixing the toilet yourself, digging into the day-to-day with a vengeance may seem very noble. However, it puts you into “Ground Hog Day” mode (see the movie.) Same day, mostly same stuff – no real progress. Take time to think and plan.

2. Passion PLUS Asking.

All the busy work of writing case statements, researching major donors and talking about what someone might give does not replace clarity in your giving options, having conversations about fit with these giving options and ASKING for gifts.

3. Passion PLUS Board Investment.

The Board – All their dedication to your cause…all the words about why it’s so important, all the time attending meetings and talking doesn’t replace every board members’ role and responsibility to provide gifts of time AND MONEY. Board members don’t owe us their service, but they DO need to give. Time is valuable, but money meets giving goals. If your board doesn’t believe it is worth their money, why should anyone else?

4. Passion PLUS Focus.

In fact, passion alone can put us right into the weeds – right in there with the kids, clients, recipients, families, dogs, whatever we serve in our mission instead of leading, managing, and creating, doing. Serve your clients – don’t become them.

5. Passion PLUS Rational Thinking.

Advocacy – thoughtful, persistent, clear conversations with the right people to influence change. Dramatic, emotional, over the top graphic (to the point of being hurtful or scary) in the name of your cause? That’s ‘ends justify the means’ thinking.

6. Passion PLUS Action.

Is your passionate emotional energy so intense that you aren’t getting today’s top priorities done? Is your time filled with a continuous rant instead of implementing real solutions? Are you wound up in DRAMA – positive or negative – or are you taking ACTION!

7. Passion PLUS An Abundant Mindset.

There is more money than ever out there to ask for. We are in such an abundant time. Do we curse the donor who chooses to support a cause other than ours or see the abundance that is out there? Are you still crying, “But I didn’t get the grant.” Or “They don’t like our mission.” Passion will do you no good until you change your thinking.

8. Passion PLUS Finding Shared Values.

Pure passion says, “You are right. PERIOD. They are wrong.” Your compassion for those who think differently gets replaced by scorn. This is manifested in some of the nastiest on-line commentary ever experienced in our history – ALL “sides.” We are more the same than different.

Where are you on the passion-o-meter? Yes, be dedicated. Yes, be clear on how you make a difference. Yes, engage others. Be sure you are dialing down the drama and implementing thoughtful, actionable plans – doing the work that raises money and makes a positive impact.

The best part of this shift back to productivity is peace…and you deserve that!

Are you fun to be with? Do you leave your donors excited and uplifted…or deflated and glad THAT’S over?  Remember..every time you interact with another person you have an opportunity to leave them in a different place. It’s NOT about you, your day, your problems, your opinions or your crap.

What a gift to be surrounded by over 7000 development professionals and your incredible zest for your missions and donors!  I’m just back from standing room-only sessions at AFP ICON, (Thank you Kendall!)

NAYDO (Thank you, Carolyn, Mary and Pam!) plus great experiences with private clients. Thank you!  Kishshana Palmer and I redefined the CFRE Refresher Course experience at AFP ICON too! Thanks Kish! WoHoo!

Also at AFP-ICON I was delighted to catch up with friend and donor researcher, Penelope Burk. With over 3 decades of successful major gift work, I would say, “In my experience…”and her research would dig deep into what donors feel and think and prove me right!

In a nutshell,

Here are my Top 10 ways you can be the person your givers want to be with.

1. Be eager towards life.  Each day is a gift, not a burden.
2. Understand that face-to-face visits are scary at first for givers too.
3. Be interested in your givers, yet also be willing to briefly share your story.
4. Be fun. It doesn’t mean you’re not “professional.”
5. Be polite, but not stiff.
6. Take care of yourself so you are alert and focused.
7. Be clear.
8. Be brief but not hurried.
9. Be grateful and appreciative.
10. Continuously connect the dots between your donors giving and what the money does.

I love, love, love the energy at conferences. We grow from the messages of the presenters, by networking with each other, and through the reflection that getting away from our regular days affords us.

Here are some ah-ha’s I had from being there as participant and presenter:

*Older donors are narrowing their giving focus to larger gifts for fewer organizations because they perceive there is are costs to giving and this is less as a percentage the larger the gift. Penelope Burk research

*In all our life experiences – “good” and “bad” 1) find the lesson, 2) ask for help and 3) create social value – this is not political, rather, do something for someone else. Spencer West (keynote speaker who has no legs by the way)

*Donors want THREE things every time they give. 1) To be acknowledged promptly IN THE MAIL, 2) The ability to give to a specific project or program (vs unrestricted) and 3) A report in meaningful terms from the organization describing what happened with their gift.  Penelope Burk research

*When a Board member calls and leaves a brief thank you message (most of the time) or shares a brief conversation, 95% of the donors who received the calls said this was key in them giving again.  Penelope Burk research

*The hardest part of completing anything is really the middle. You start off with a bang, then energy falters, and the last push to finish can seem really hard. Give yourself the gift of Finished! Jon Acuff

*People love to give me money! Marcy Heim…singing with you all!

Finally, several speakers addressed chronic overtime and the self-care needed in our profession. Coming up in May, I’ll be keynoting a large senior care conference about the nursing team continuing to balance what can be draining deep care for patients and residents and having a life at the end of the work day free of the weight of the work.  Chronic overtime is a complete WASTE of time. The research shows you are 50% less productive after 8 hours…and it only gets worse.

Exhausted, worrying and wondering if you can eek something out of your main donors diminishes the joy of giving for them AND you! You will never know what a donor might do because they don’t know – that’s why you are on the journey together!